Day 16–30 Days of Journaling for Self-Discovery: How I talk to myself
My previous post was about what mindfulness means to me and the ways I can practice mindfulness daily.
Today I’m writing about how I talk to myself; the tone I use and if there are any negative thoughts I can turn into positive ones.
How I talk to myself
How I talk to myself has changed a lot recently. I used to be incredibly self-critical, getting frustrated when I’d feel down or depressed, employing what I call ‘tough self-love’ to get myself out of slumps.
My inner self-criticism came from the stories of not being good enough, worthy, or loveable — things I know (and now believe) to be untrue.
Whenever things went wrong I’d beat myself up because I was stupid, I couldn’t do anything right, and of course, something like this would happen to me.
When I wanted to pull myself out of a funk, or I was coming out of the tail end of a depressive spell I’d tell myself to get the fuck out of bed, clean my fucking room, and pull my shit together. It was the verbal kick in the ass I needed from myself to get me moving (God help anyone else who talked to me this way).
I don’t talk like that tto myself anymore, and instead use compassion. When things go wrong, I remind myself thateveryone makes mistakes. I admit when I do stupid things, like melting a plastic water bottle with boiling water to kill parasites, but I know that doesn’t make me stupid.
When I’m sad, stressed, or anxious I check in with myself to look at the thoughts, feelings, or situations that could be responsible for how I’m feeling.
How I changed my inner dialogue
Getting to this point has been a journey, but I think I started to look at how I talked to myself when I started seeing my current therapist.
It was with her that I started questioning the judgments I make about myself and others. One day on the way home from a session I realized the judgments I made about others were the things I was insecure about.
That realization combined with an almost 4-hour session focused on my trauma was what shifted my narrative from one of being overly self-critical to being compassionate and understanding.
I also started writing I am statements in my journal. This list included my talents, strengths, and values. I used to think I wasn’t good at anything, which seems stupid to say aloud because I now know that isn’t true.
My I am list
- I am intelligent
- I am funny
- I am good at cooking
- I am good at writing
- I am creative
- I am empathetic and kind
- I am strong both mentally and physically
- I am open with those around me
- I am good at connecting with people
I read these statements aloud daily. This allowed me to reframe my thoughts; I no longer thought I didn’t have any talents and was a shitty human as I could see what I was good at and the things others valued in me.
What negative thoughts can I turn into positive ones?
Honestly, I’m not sure — I have worked on some of my biggest fears and insecurities, so I no longer spiral down the negative self-talk drain when something goes wrong — which was a big part of how I would talk to myself.
I also no longer think negative thoughts need to be turned into positive ones. Instead of changing our thoughts, we should work on addressing the root of our negative thoughts so that we truly change how we talk to ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. I don’t know if that makes any sense — I hope it does.
Conclusion
I’ve shifted my self-talk from criticism to compassion, where I now acknowledge mistakes without undermining my self-worth. This has allowed me to strengthen my resilience and has helped me build a sense of self-acceptance. Additionally, I’ve gained insight into the impact self-talk has on self-perception.
Hasn’t A Clue posts about self-talk & self-compassion
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