Day 11–30 Days of Journaling for Self-Discovery: Times I’ve felt proud of myself
It’s day 11 of my 30 days of journaling for self-discovery challenge. My previous post was about a belief that has held me back and how I overcame it — you can read it here.
Today, I’m writing about the times I’ve felt proud of myself and the strengths and skills I used.
I thought that this post was going to be hard as I couldn’t think of anything I’m proud of off the top of my head. I mean, I’m 40, I don’t have a job, I’m divorced, and I don't have as much money as I would like to. What the fuck have I done with my life that I can be proud of?
The answer? A hell of a fucking lot.
So, today, I’m sharing some of the things I am proud of and the skills and strengths I used.
Prioritizing my mental health
The last few years have been an emotional roller coaster, and prioritizing my mental health with all that has happened is one of the things I am the proudest of.
I did this by ending my marriage, starting therapy (where I was diagnosed with PTSD, then later C-PTSD), and working through some of my most painful experiences.
It was as if I had ripped a bandaid off an opened wound and then opened it even further, exposing the parts of me I usually kept hidden — especially from myself.
This journey hasn’t been easy, but it is the best thing I could have done for myself and I’m proud of myself for continuing to grow, and for showing myself compassion even when I wanted to give up.
I am so proud of myself for developing the capacity to sit with myself and my emotions. Additionally, I’m proud of my ability to be self-compassionate, which is something I wasn’t able to do until recently.
Prioritizing my mental health
There was a moment after my marriage ended when I hated the way I looked and didn’t recognize myself.
I was unfit, overweight, and unhappy with both my life and myself.
One day, I decided that if I wanted anything to change I needed to do something about it. Even though I had always been exercise-adverse, I decided I needed to start working on my physical health. I started walking, which led to doing yoga, which led to doing HIIT workouts and joining a Pole Fitness Studio.
Initially, my focus was solely on weight loss. I worked out A LOT, bought a set of scales that measures your fat percentage, and started keeping track of what I was eating.
After a while, my focus changed to keeping track of my muscle definition and how much stronger I was getting (rather than weight loss), and eating more of the foods that nourish me and make me feel good.
You can read more about my fitness journey here.
Flying long distance alone
In 2022 I flew from New Zealand to Belize by myself for the first time. As someone who hates flying, this was a huge deal for me.
The week before my flight, I started having chest pains so bad I thought I either had COVID-19 or was having a heart attack. My anxiety was so bad, that my mum said I could cancel my flights if I wanted, even though my flight was a few days out.
Here are some of the things I was worried about
- missing my flight
- the plane crashing
- not knowing what to do
- crying in public
- losing my luggage
Did things go wrong? Of course, they did — I mean, I almost lost my passport during my layover in Houston on my way to Belize when I started walking to the airport hotel without my backpack (it’s a long story).
Anxiety fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Despite being anxious about everything that could go wrong, I still traveled. I’m glad I did, because, I had an amazing time.
The skills and strengths I used
Thinking about my journey of self-discovery I see that I have utilized the following strengths:
- Resilience: Prioritizing my mental health despite life’s challenges.
- Determination: Committing to physical fitness and improving my health
- Courage: Confronting fears head-on, such as flying long distance alone.
These moments highlight the resilience and growth I’ve experienced. I know this is ongoing, but every step shows me how capable I am of overcoming whatever obstacles come my way.
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