Self Compassion Means Loving Every Version of Yourself

A recent photo of myself

I’ve always been my own harshest critic. In a previous post, I talked about how I have worked to overcome my automatic negative thoughts. Today, I want to go a bit deeper into my journey of self-compassion

I used to hate looking at old photos of myself. When I looked at them, all I could see were the parts of myself I hated. The awkwardness, the bald spots from pulling my hair out, the eczema, the weight gain… Looking at these photos would make me sad, angry, and uncomfortable.

Looking at these photos now, I no longer see the things I hated; I see someone dealing with a lot of trauma instead. How did this shift begin? When I caught myself judging someone and realized that I wasn’t really judging that person, I was projecting my insecurities onto them.

That realization changed how I viewed self-compassion. Self-compassion isn’t just about being kind and empathetic to my current self; it’s about extending that kindness and compassion to ALL versions of me. Even the ones that I’m embarrassed about:

• The version of me that felt abandoned as a child
• The version of me in high school who had bald spots and had to shave her hair off because she cut her fringe too short and could no longer hide them (yes, I essentially had a combover)
• The version of me that was overweight
• The version of me that turned up to therapy drunk (I no longer drink)
• The version of me that breaks things cause I’m clumsy
• My greying hair and the fact that I’m hair af
• The fact that I’m a dorky weirdo

I wish that I could be like the cool kids

These versions of myself are no less worthy of compassion than me when I feel I’m my best. Self-love involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, even when we fall short while holding ourselves responsible for our behavior and its consequences. This approach has led to a much healthier relationship with myself.

How I Show Myself Self-Compassion

Now that you know how my journey of self-compassion started, let’s delve into the concrete steps I take to foster feelings of self-love and acceptance:

1. Healing my inner child: I have started doing this by acknowledging and addressing the emotional wounds from my childhood.
2. Positive Self-Talk: I’m now more mindful of my inner dialogue and have started to replace criticism with words of understanding.
3. Self-Care Rituals: I started prioritizing self-care by doing things that bring me joy and relaxation. For me, this includes meditation, dancing in my room, and drinking tea.
4. Acknowledging my Emotions: As someone who constantly bottled their feelings in, I have started to let myself feel and express my emotions without judgment. I now understand that my emotions are here for a reason.
5. Learning from Mistakes: Instead of dwelling on my mistakes and beating myself up when I do something wrong, I now view mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.
6. Practicing Gratitude: Each night, I take time out to reflect on the things that I am grateful for as well as any personal wins of the day. This practice brings both a sense of joy and accomplishment.
7. Celebrating my Uniqueness: I now value my individuality and embrace the fact that I am a doly weirdo, rather than trying to hide the bits I feel that people may think are weird.

While I have grown to be more self-compassionate, I still have moments where I doubt myself, and that’s okay. This is an ongoing practice, and it’s normal to have moments of difficulty. I know that in those moments, I need to treat myself with the same kindness I would extend to a friend.

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